HANI's Honey

Thursday, March 27, 2003

08:38 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Out of Nowhere

It disturbs me slightly, that out of the 233 members of BolehBlogs and 221 members of GMBL, I am one of 129 Malaysian blogs listed on Malaysia Central.

How the hell did I get listed there? Why me? How does Malaysia Central choose its sites? Does anybody know?

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030327a

Thursday, March 27, 2003

02:03 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

The Truth about Being Honest

I mean, I do lie. Mostly without any feeling of guilt over it. I studied, Mom! Uhuh. Sure....

Yet, I get compelled to be honest at other times. Mom, I lost your Rolex diamond watch....

So where're the common threads here? What's going on? Why the hell am I so contradictory. Wait, I'm female. Never mind.

Well, one easy explanation is that I categorize topics into different levels of importance, and I feel compelled to lie about unimportant topics (like studying), and compelled to be honest about important topics (like money). Of course, as you can see from the examples, my categories of importance is not necessarily how other people would categorize topics of importance.

Then again, it could simply be that I'm so bloody afraid of being discovered in a lie, that the minute I think my cover will be blown, I tell the truth first. For example, no one can prove if studied or not, but for sure, Mom would discover her Rolex diamond watch was gone.

But wait, that doesn't work, because no one knew who borrowed her Rolex diamond watch. Damn.

But I am afraid of being discovered in a lie. It's probably the main reason I'm attempting celibacy. I just want to make bloody sure no one can find out. Being that about fifty people who are not close, trusted friends already have found out....

I think I'd rather tell Mom I'm gay than that I've had sex. Then again, I'm not gay (I'm not all straight either), so that would be a lie.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030327

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

11:13 a.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Frappuccinos and Cappuccinos

I should say that I don't actually like coffee. I don't drink plain old coffee. Nope. For about a decade, the only coffee I drank was cappuccino, and the occasional cafe mocha. When I got to New York, I fell in love with Starbucks' cappuccino. Lovely, lovely.

Then, during a visit back to Malaysia, friends dragged me to Coffee Bean, and I took a sip or two of their "ice blended" coffee, and found them to be good. Yay, more nice tasting coffee to drink.

So, when I moved back to Malaysia, I started living on ice blended coffee. Too hot here for warmer coffees. Starbucks frappuccinos are lousy, in my opinion. The only one that is not, is the chocolate brownie frappuccino, definitely unavailable in Malaysia. Sigh. I miss the brownie frappuccino.

So I haven't been to Starbucks since I left New York. It wasn't that long ago, actually. I visited New York for Eid and Christmas, all through December. Strangely enough, I forgot how good Starbucks coffee actually tastes. Sure, San Francisco coffee has the better chocolate-flavoured coffee, and Coffee Bean has a better selection of ice-blended coffees. Starbucks has the best cappuccino still.

I want my chocolate brownie frappuccino, damn it! Bring it here!

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030326

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

01:35 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

No, I don't have excuses today

For the simple reason that I don't want to extend the energy to actually find a way to get there.

No, I don't want to call a cab and take out my last ten ringgit note to pay for it.

No, I don't want to walk to the nearest bus stop and wait in smoldering heat for a bus to show up.

No, I don't want to call in precious favours of friends and family to send me to one single statistics lecture.

I wonder what would happen if I told my parents I skipped class and stayed at home. Then again, if I keep staying at home, they'd find out anyway.

I don't have PMS as an excuse this time. Maybe it's my ADD, huh? Maybe I'm just a lazy piece of shit, and you know what? Today, I don't give a fuck.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030325

Monday, March 24, 2003

09:22 a.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Here's a piece of fiction

This entry is fiction written by the author.

It was midnight and she was tired. Yet she could not sleep.

Despite her windows shut tight, her fan turned off, and living in a tropical country, she had her blanket wrapped snugly around her body. She was cold.

The only light that came into her bedroom was what trickled in through the faded pink curtains of her window, from the street-lamp outside. Despite that soft sheen of muted light, it was too dark to see. Yet she was too cold to feel anything on her skin. Her nose was stuffed from crying, and all she could taste were her tears.

So all she had left of her senses were her ears. She used them to hear for the stirring of her family. Sometimes, she longed for them to hear her silent cries and wake up from their sleep. Then, at other times, she was terrified that they'd wake up and notice that she cried.

She gripped her blanket tighter around her neck, unable to decide if she wanted to merely silence her voice-box, or strangle herself to death.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030324

Sunday, March 23, 2003

09:36 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Don't say "Fuck Me Now"

This entry was not archived to protect other parties mentioned in entry. To read entry, please e-mail author a request for the copy.

Request for copy does not guarantee that copy will be given. Apologies for inconvenience.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030323

Saturday, March 22, 2003

12:36 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Am I Muslim?

"holy crap.. u've actually SLEPT wif someone? call urself a muslim girl.. with no pride nor dignity.. CHEAP in simple words.."

Then, ironically, in the same night, I received an e-mail announcing I've been accepted into a webring for muslim blogs. Truth be told, I applied to join the webring prepared to be politely told that my choices of topic are blatantly not muslim, and therefore, not acceptable as a member of the webring.

I applied to join the webring because I wanted to pass along some traffic to the webring. (I have yet to receive any hits from BolehBlogs though I've given eleven!) I also wanted to acknowledge that I am muslim. I may not be a good muslim, but in my humble opinion, I am a muslim.

I believe in Allah, I believe in His messenger, and I believe in the Quran and sunnah. I was born to muslim parents, I was sent to a muslim school, and I'm still taking a class in Islamic Studies (and enjoying it!). I believe that I broke the rules. If I am not a muslim, let Al-Hakam (the Judge) decide.

Shituz, I wish I could tell you this privately, but you left no e-mail address. Your public insults, swear words, and cowardly anonymity reflect poorly, not on me, but on you. I will pray that Allah opens your heart and your mind. I advise you to worry about your own level of piety. To be a good muslim, you should help your fellow muslims find piety, and encourage them to do good. It is not Islam to hurt, insult and reject fellow muslims anonymously!

Now, I'm left wondering if I should keep my membership in the muslim webring. I have no wish to offend innocent muslims. See disclaimer above? Offence is sadly regretted. Yet it is not right that I cannot proclaim that I am muslim, simply because I haven't achieved piety. Then again, I don't want to get exposed to more insulting muslims without enough education, who then I would feel obliged to deal with, simply because they're fellow muslims.

What do HANIfans think? I advise you to be polite if you want to be heard. I refuse to listen to rude people today.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030322a

Saturday, March 22, 2003

01:29 a.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

By Special Request

And it takes forever to write 'em. Sigh.

But Nabil, I wrote three entries, just for you!

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030322