Tuesday, July 8, 2003

01:32 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Missing Someone Else's Life

Though I cry on a regular basis over romance novels... Sshh!!! I haven't cried over missing Tariq since last year's summer.

I guess I've gotten someone accustomed to him being overseas. Or I've developed techniques to minimize the pain of missing him.

Last night, though, I cried.

He was telling me that he missed sharing my happy experiences with me. He looked at the picture on this page that he has dubbed as "pretty" and he said he missed seeing me looking like that, with him.

Then I thought about the whole bloody two years he's been away, and how I've been missing out on all his experiences. I wasn't there when he was partying, when he went to sign up for the summer semester, when he cut his hair. I don't know the colour of his bedsheets, how his closet is organized, how he sits at his computer table, where he eats.

There's a huge chunk of his life I don't know, and it makes me ache with missing him.

So I cried for a night. Today, I write this, and now I'll put it all away again, until he comes home.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030708

Monday, July 7, 2003

03:11 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Now I'm insecure....

So meeting people for the first time don't faze me.

But meeting people for a second or third time! That freaks me out. Especially if first impressions were strongly positive. These people come to matter.

What if they find out more about me, and find that I talk too much, I interrupt people while they talk, I'm inconsiderate, thoughtless, and generally, every now and then, all my friends feel a great longing to strangle me....

So what if these wonderful people I've met, who are claiming that I'm vivacious and uber-cool, meet me again and decide that I'm less than what I appeared to be the first time?

After all, acting can only last for so long before the act just falls apart.

Then again, I'm letting silly insecurities get the better of me, as my boyfriend keeps pointing out.

These are very nice people. They read my blog. They know I'm full of nonsense, and they've already decided to accept it. Well, I'm assuming this, since that's what I've done.... Sort of.

Well, I'll just put a warning here. Hello, fellow people! Erm, if I ever piss you off or annoy you, please tell it to me to my face so I can fix it, okay? I promise that I do not get mad at people who come to me with their problem.

Hani, get a grip, and stop worrying about bridges you haven't even seen, much less tried to cross!

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030707a

Monday, July 7, 2003

02:23 a.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Free Chivas Regal

Went clubbing on Saturday evening. Alas, I forgot that I was suffering period cramps, and so forgot to bring painkillers. Dancing became a bit uncomfortable when the painkillers I already ate wore off, and since I didn't have more to swallow down, I decided to take a break from the club.

I was in Sangria, below Nouvo. Walked across to Gloria Jean's for a bite. Since friends were enjoying themselves, they refused to accompany me. I sat down by my lonesome self and ordered food.

Suddenly, this girl, holding a 750ml bottle of Chivas Regal and several Carlsberg plastic cups, comes up to my table. She asks to sit beside me.

I said, "Sure. Go ahead."

She sat, and offered me some of the Chivas Regal. Being Malaysian, and fond of freebies, I accepted. We talked.

It was her birthday! She was very nice, quite talkative, and generous with her fine whisky. She kept asking me questions the minute I gulped down the drink, though. Since I was having the thing neat, I kept having to reply with my throat burning. Loads of gasping answers from me.

I've never ever had that happen to me before. Normally, the only free drinks I get are when some man's getting interested in bumping pelvises with me.

Well, there was that very nice Chinese boy a year ago, who bought my two friends and me two bottles of Vodka Ice each. (They were going for RM22 a bottle and he bought seven!) And when I say nice, I mean he had a baby's face, and he looked like he goes to church every Sunday and talked like he listens to his mama all the time.

This weekend was really damned good for meeting new people....

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030707

Saturday, July 5, 2003

07:14 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Meeting Bloggers

Since it was at the barbaric hour of 10 a.m. Saturday, I decided to put on what I call my Urban Jammies (pyjamas), an old pair of black drawstring cotton straight-leg pants and I don't know how to describe the top anymore accurately than long-sleeved and maroon. This information is mostly for the benefit of those who attended the meeting.

I arrived bright and early, managing to properly meet nearly everyone, but some of the latecomers. As usual, my mouth ran off at two hundred words per second, and I felt compelled to make loud comments at every other sentence of other people's. Yet, I managed to learn one or two things about each of the bloggers I spoke to.

Biggest Highlight

Sajen Asan making Aiz blush as red as the t-shirt he was wearing. After the many, many times Aiz has made me blush, if Asan had been anywhere near me, I'd have kissed him in gratitude.

Aiz did kiss me, however. Hee hee hee! From a foot away, with the most hideous facial expression in the world. It was terrifying.

Attractive Men

The HANIaward for most attractive at blog-meet must go to Ash, though if you're into guys in their mid-thirties instead, I recommend Adi. For the bishounen fans, I recommend Khalil. Ah, more intelligent, well-spoken men you would be hard-pressed to find, ladies! I was drooling mentally, not just for the fine looks, but the fine minds. Best of all, they sat in a row right in front of me! I forgot to ask if they were single, though. I suggest the single ladies use your own brains and find out yourselves!

Girl Power!

Najah showed up for much too short a time. I didn't have much time to talk to her, which was disappointing. However, a plus was that Sarini sat beside me. She's so dainty and cute!! Yet she's amazingly efficient and pays attention to little details. She actually brought sunflowers! Sarini organized the blog meet and made it look so easy. If it had been me, I'd have been going out of my mind with nervousness and worry. She looked calm and cool. I was very impressed with her.

I hit it off quite well with Meesh and Racheal. We exchanged stories of being in America. They're both very fun! Meesh says she's gonna arrange for us all to go clubbing. I really look forward to that!

Techie Activities

Everybody started whipping out their digital cameras, of course. I forgot to bring mine. Oops. HANIfans shall all just have to suffer. It was hilarious. Various people would stand up to give some kind of talk or two, and these other bunch of people would be scrambling around trying to take pictures. Like a bunch of reporters at a press conference!

As everyone started leaving, Sarini started taking down everybody's phone numbers. I was, as usual, too lazy, so I just took down Sarini's. Hee hee. So, should I need someone's number, I shall just call Sarini!

I want more!

I felt so comfortable with these people. It's amazing how just the act of blogging can connect a bunch of people who have never met each other before! I've been to most of their websites only two or three times!

Bloggers' meet is something I would definitely want to repeat. I wish I could write so much more! There were so many other people I'm leaving out, trying to minimize rambling! I wish I could have talked to more of the bloggers too, especially the more quiet ones. I truly wanted a proper conversation with Irene and the man who made Aiz blush! Alas, a meeting of many people leaves you only so much time to talk to only so much people.

I'll just end this telling all bloggers out there: you guys should make it to the next one. Worth it.

Time stated above indicates moment entry was written.
This entry was uploaded on Sunday, July 6, 2003 at 05:22 a.m.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030706

Saturday, July 5, 2003

1:22 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

In the Beginning of Menstruation

I hate getting my period in the middle of the day, in the middle of a mall. I mustn't forget to add that I'm wearing three-and-a-half-inch heels. That stresses my cramping back and womb.

Worse than getting one's period in the middle of the day, in the middle of the mall, is getting one's period in the middle of the day, in the middle of the mall, without expecting nor preparing for it. That means no tampons, no sanitary towels, no pain-killers, and no time to go home to get them.

So you have to unnecessarily take out your wallet and pay the necessities, at the local pharmacy that you have to walk to the local pharmacy, in extra-high heels, soaking wet between your legs, praying nothing's gonna show on your butt.

Maybe it's God's way of encouraging you to get pregnant. But wait! Pregnancy's worse!

Short of removing your ovaries, there's just no escape.

Time stated above indicates moment entry was written.
This entry was uploaded on Saturday, July 5, 2003 at 07:07 p.m.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030705a

Saturday, July 5, 2003

12:05 a.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Bore, Bored, Boring

I am tired, and I must sleep.

Tomorrow, after all, we must arise early to meet many other bloggers!

Though, having been going to bed after sunrise and waking up at two in the afternoon for the past month, it will be difficult to sleep early....

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030705

Thursday, July 3, 2003

06:55 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Bored of Sex II

It is not my problem that you are incapable of seeing that people are complex, dynamic characters with a myriad of varying capabilities.

I won't deny that I'm outspoken about everything under the sun, including the subject of sex. Do note, however that sex is one of many topics I speak of. I speak of family, I speak of love, I speak of friends. I speak of cross-stitching and college.

I am fond of coffee, clubbing, and shopping. I support, not only sex education, but islamic education for women, and financial education for children. (I'm avid on education, basically.) I love the performing arts and I'm more obsessed about possessions and money than I am about sex.

I happen to be in a very loving relationship of three years this September, and I'm celibate. As in I'm not even having sex!

So how the hell did I get pigeon-holed into the girl you talk about sex and only sex with? I'm bored of the topic!

I don't mind talking about sex. Hell, I enjoy it from time to time. Just use your brain and realize that all play and no work makes you a very dull boy.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030703