Tuesday, August 12, 2003

05:33 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Shoes Support Camel's Back

I had to park far, far away from college.

I'm broke, and I ate Maggi for lunch.

I had two chicken drummets and a granola bar for dinner last night.

Last straw:

One of my Marketing Research groupmates handed me a file consisting of two Marketing Research projects conducted by students from other colleges, and suggested we just submit them as our own work.

In case you're as tired as I am, and mentally slow, it means, my groupmate apparently thinks collusion and plagiarism is acceptable, and now, any work he submits to me, I'll have to run over again with a fine-toothed comb, so that my academical existence isn't permanently destroyed.

Yet, the camel's back cannot be broken, because it is supported by my new shoes!

Worth every penny of the hundred ringgit I spent on them.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030812

Monday, August 11, 2003

02:12 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Imaginary Adventure of an ADD

So I headed back towards my car only to find that it wasn't there.

There was no trace of my car!

Immediately, I figured that those bastards who snatched my handbag must have figured out which car is mine and, using the keys they had taken from my handbag, driven off with my car.

Despite the extra lock we had placed on the damned car. Maybe I had absent-mindedly forgotten to lock the extra lock?

Resigned, I trudged towards the police station.

Suddenly, my surroundings began to look familiar...

Eh?

Oh! There is my car!

It was right where I had left it, extra lock nicely locked, and nothing changed since I left it in the morning.

Woops. I was looking for my car in the wrong area.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030811

Sunday, August 10, 2003

10:37 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Can't Visit HANI's Honey?

Tripod's html Gear, that little add-on I use for my Testimonials and Latest News, is "currently performing some planned hardware maintenance."

They somehow forgot to mention this to its users, however, and since last night, anyone trying to load my page would have found that the process took forever. When the browser attempts to load the Gear code, it would get stuck there, for a long, long time before it loads everything else.

They can send all sorts of marketing junk to my inbox, but they cannot send a courteous e-mail informing me of this little bug, so I could avoid the inconvenience mentioned above?

Inconsiderate, thoughtless bastards.

Much apologies to HANIfans who have been inconvenienced by the stupid htmlgear. I've placed the htmlgear code within comment tags temporarily, so everything else should load a little faster now.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030810a

Sunday, August 10, 2003

12:36 a.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Like an Orgy

How can anybody describe what it was like last night?

Don Juan de Kaz described a few things that happened. Ash tells of how it affected him. The adorable Vlad shows the viewpoint from someone who's never hung out with us before.

I kissed a lot of girls, and man, I wanted to kiss the men too. Unfortunately for the men, Tariq would not be pleased by that, so I refrained. I did sit on a few male laps. I also finally managed to pinch Ash's cute butt and Racheal's breast!

The whole thing is probably the closest thing I'll ever get to an orgy. I am so grateful last night happened!

Racheal, darling, when you walk into my presence, you make life seem more exciting, more outstanding, and more fantastic. You don't realize how amazing you really are. I hope you'll come back to make things happening for all of us again.

Wherever you go and however you feel, remember that we are always online and missing you.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030810

Friday, August 8, 2003

05:31 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

sulking for no reason

All I want to do is crawl into bed and sulk.

For a week, at least.

It just doesn't want to get out of my head that he compared me to her, despite knowing that I hate her.

It just doesn't want to get into my head that stress, studying and working hard won't kill or doom me.

I don't know why I'm butting my head over small things, and ignoring the much larger, more important issues of my life.

Ironically, though I feel like I'm losing control all over again, Sin tells me that a certain company is thinking of hiring me when I graduate college in two or three years.

Woo, wee, wow. Apparently they really liked how I work.

Maybe all I need is just eight straight hours of sleep.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030808

Thursday, August 7, 2003

09:08 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Excuses to Not E-mail...

"Where is everyone? Why hasn't anyone written? What is everyone up to?

"Hani.. -- It has been forever... Too busy to write????"

Oops.

Well, it's gratifying to be missed.

The annoying part is that I miss them. Very, very much.

I read their e-mails to each other. They talk about going out for lunches and dinners, and shows in New York. I read it all voraciously, and I get this feeling of pure frustration that I'll probably never ever see New York or my friends there again.

And with that feeling rising in me every single time I read their e-mails, I don't dare to write a single e-mail to them. I have no clue what I'll end up writing.

I don't think I want to know.

I wonder if any of them come to my blog?

If you are here, let me tell you that I miss you all very much.

I miss bullying Stina. I miss shopping with Queenie. I miss talking to Janel. I still remember Jamiri's non-stop, excited voice. I miss whining at Phillip. I remember Ying Ying's hair pins. I still remember the blue flowers Stacie bought for my birthday. Best flowers I ever got. I miss discussing romance novels with Ade. I miss getting into trouble with Zain.

They've mostly graduated from college. They're working, souding busy and accomplished. Then there's me, with my bumbling education, and my unproductive life.

They wouldn't let me think that way though.

I should really e-mail them, and let them know I think of them still.

It just hurts so much, and I'm terrified of what might show up on the e-mail instead. Resentment? Bitterness? Loneliness? Huge bouts of inadequacy?

Will I ever see them again?

I told them to save up money to come over for my wedding. But will they make it?

God, life was less painful before I started to care about people.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030807

Wednesday, August 6, 2003

10:03 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Improved Slut

This entry was not archived to protect other parties mentioned in entry. To read entry, please e-mail author a request for the copy.

Request for copy does not guarantee that copy will be given. Apologies for inconvenience.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030806

Monday, August 4, 2003

11:22 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

It hasn't hurt this bad in years

Everything hurts. Light, touch, sound, movement, smells, and there's no escape.

So you sit in your bedroom, in as much darkness as you can, and you wince everytime you hear someone outside laughing and making raucous party talk. You try to find the best position to minimize your pain, but the pain reduces for mere seconds before increasing again, feeling worse than ever.

Crying hurts and not crying hurts. Lying down hurts and sitting up hurts. Pressing your head hurts and letting nothing touch it hurts.

You can't stand the pain of being around people, and yet you feel so goddamned lonely.

It's amazing how painful a head can get, and still allow you to think clearly.

The worse part of a very bad migraine is that the pain allows you to think, and it encourages very terrible, negative thoughts, that you can't distract yourself from, because thinking is the only thing that doesn't make the pain bloody worse.

So I give great thanks to the inventors of aspirin and acetaminophen that rescued me from misery within the hour of its consumption.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030804a

Monday, August 4, 2003

05:06 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Quarrels Don't Exist

In primary school, I had three very close friends. We'll call 'em Frost, Linda and Elinor. Not their real names, but we'll make do.

Frost was often on Cloud Nine, and was rather oblivious to a lot of our social interactions. She was physically there, but more often than not, she was in her head.

Linda and Elinor, however, were the best of friends.

Except that they kept getting into fights. They'd have nasty spats, each side convinced that they were right.

Then they'd demand I choose sides. Both being my friends, I would refuse to choose sides, since most of their spats were full of nonsense anyway.

Being best friends, they would suddenly see me as the common enemy, then gang up on me. Since I'd refuse to actually quarrel, I'd wander off on my own, or chill with the oblivious Frost.

Eventually, I worked out the key to how Frost managed to avoid getting into Linda's and Elinor's quarrels, and from then on, I would just go, "Huh?"

Ahh, the things you learn in childhood that you keep doing when all grown-up....

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030804