Have caught Mommy's flu-virus.

Sunday, September 7, 2003

06:40 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Smoking Shit

They were all men, football games, car conversations, and cigars. Certain bloggers suggested I try smoking a cigar. Something to do with cigar-smoking girls being hot.

It got me wondering about my non-smoking habits.

I'm twenty-two, and I have never tried a cigarette. It's not for health reasons. The amount of secondary smoke I've inhaled defeats the purpose of not smoking for health reasons, I'm sure. I love the smell of Marlboros and Sampoernas, strangely. (I hate the smell of Salems though.) I hold and light cigarettes for smokers. I have stolen a cigarette from a poor boy and hid it in my cleavage (I'll let you imagine what his review of smoking that cigarette was like).

It wasn't until this year that I even smoked shisha, or put a cigarette near my lips.

I tell people that I have too many expensive habits without adding another one.

Yet I don't really understand why I've never even tried smoking.

I've been tempted. Just recently, I held a cigarette for a friend while she hunted stuff in her bag. I held it like I knew what I was doing and wondered, why the hell not?

My only conclusion was that I've gone through twenty-two years without trying it, and it would be damned shame to spoil my record by starting now.

I feel like I'm in a relationship. Committed to not smoking the way I'm committed to not cheating on my boyfriend. But I know why I don't cheat on my boyfriend. I still don't understand why I don't try smoking.

I don't really need a reason, though, do I? We'll just keep telling you that I have too many expensive habits to support another one.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030907

Thursday, September 4, 2003

10:59 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Constant Cough

Tired.

Tired.

My life revolves around tiredness right now.

I'm sick of being tired, but I can't seem to get over it.

I'm coughing so regularly, I'm like a clock.

I even wake up in the middle of sleep to cough.

So I haven't had any proper sleep in days.

I'm not really sick anymore.

Just tired from coughing.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030904

Tuesday, September 2, 2003

05:55 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

The Sickness of College

So when the alarm clock rang to tell me to get ready for college today, I stayed in bed for an extra half an hour.

I was really tempted to skip college again. I've missed two weeks worth of college already. I have no clue what's going on. No one has called me. Maybe they assume I'm quitting college or something?

Of course, I haven't been calling them either. But I've barely been blogging. I've been doing nothing but drowning in misery. Cough cough, then blow nose furiously. Cough again. It's like an exhausting rhythm.

But I can't skip college anymore. I know I have a mid-semester test next week, an essay due, several presentations this month, and the damned Marketing Research questionnaire final draft is due by the end of next week too. I haven't even done the first draft.

So I sluggishly swallowed some painkillers, and dragged myself to my car. Got to college, and went to class a mere five minutes late.

Hmm, class is empty. Let's check the boards for any announcements.

I bump into my teacher, who tells me: "Where have you been? There's no class this week and next week. What's your presentation topic?"

"I have no clue. Haven't talked to my groupmates," I said pathetically, blowing my nose into tissue.

"Call them! Don't forget, test next week!" She runs off.

So I sluggishly trudged back to my car. Though nothing has been accomplished, I feel strangely better. Now who wants to bet that I'll forget to call my groupmates anyway?

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030902

Monday, September 1, 2003

04:15 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Tiredness

Fever is gone, but I'm coughing a lot, and that's just as tiring. Maybe more.

So I'm much too lazy to sit at the computer, and I've been watching more TV this weekend than I have the entire year....

I'm dreading the amount of work I'll have to catch up with at school.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030901

Saturday, August 30, 2003

12:33 a.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

The Subconscious Goal

Mama said she was getting old and she didn't have a husband, and didn't have children of her own, and she had given up everything for me, and I don't love her and didn't need her anymore. She said she was going to get fired and she'll have nothing. She cried and cried and cried.

Distraught, I told her that of course I love her very much, and that I will always need her, and I would never let Mommy fire her.

I felt so guilty for being the reason that she wasn't happily married with kids of her own. I felt so grateful that she sacrificed her happiness to help me with my inadequacies.

I had forgotten how much time I spent just trying to make her happy. Of course, I never made her happy. At that point of my life, I didn't believe I was capable of putting clothes into the washing machine, much less making someone else happy.

Today, I realize that deep down, I'm still trying to figure out what I could have done to make Mama happy.

Will I ever succeed? Do I even want to?

Last I heard of Mama, she was a personal assistant for a mat salleh in Johore Baharu. Quite a good job, I should think. Mama is rather skilled. She speaks comprehensible English, drives, cooks, and cleans to Western standards. But I don't want to know if she's happy or not, because I might actually be tempted to try and make her happy again, if she's not.

And you know, if she's not happy now, she never will be, no matter what I do. So, it's best that I not know anything more about Mama.

Yet, I still wonder, is there any way to make people happy?

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030830

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

09:52 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

HANI does a Meesh

Even Pooh recommends this lady.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030827

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

06:18 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Not the ankle! Me!

I hate being sick. I turn into a whiny, bratty, self-pitying person when I'm sick, because I hate being sick.

It's of course, that stupid virus that's been running around causing miserable flu.

And yes, I'm taking Vitamin C. And yes, I'm eating my medicine. And yes, I'm drinking lots of water. And yes, I'm resting lots.

I hate being sick. I tire easily. And I'm lonely. But I don't want to run around because I'm much too tired for it, and because I don't want to pass the stupid virus to other people.

So I'm stuck at home, pouting and sulking and whining in my own head. And I hate the whiny spoilt sickly brat that's the only being keeping me company while I'm sick.

I've been too sick to even blog.

But am much better now.

I'm blogging at least.

I can't wait to get well....

P/S: I feel loads more miserable than my ankle, which miraculously healed in the hot jacuzzi tub of Pangkor Laut Resort. Am I glad I only got sick after I got back!

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030826

Sunday, August 24, 2003

Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Day Three

11:29:39

Back on the mainland. I feel so sad. It was the best experience of my life. But I think I left behind my make-up bag... C'est ma vie. I'm so absent-minded.

10:24:40

We're leaving Pangkor Laut Resort, and I shall miss it.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #24-08-2003 11:29:39

Saturday, August 23, 2003

Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Day Two

23:35:40

The legend of the salmon is that when perfectly cooked, it melts in your mouth. Today, I have tasted and swallowed genuine legend. Salmon cooked by Pangkor Laut Resort's Chef Wai was the best I've ever had. This is no exaggeration. This was the highlight of the whole holiday.

15:19:02

I'm actually staying at an "estate" rather than in a suite. This means just 10 of us share our own swimming pool, our own chef, and 2 butlers. It's like living in an open-air mansion. This is the 1st place in Malaysia that I've been to where the food is properly served on your right, and empty plates removed from your left side. If I have to suffer twisted ankles, this is the place to suffer it.

13:26:17

Mom is being fussy about my ankle. She won't let me walk anywhere unless it's necessary, and where's the fun in that? My legs are seriously tired from compensating the ankle though... Would like an all-terrain wheelchair.

11:05:16

The Terengganu green turtle has moved its breeding ground to Pangkor Laut! A turtle showed up and laid eggs on the beach 2 days ago. That's really good news for turtles because Pangkor Laut Resort will definitely take care of the turtles.

00:56:04

It's been an awesome adventurous day. Missing clothes, swollen ankle, the spectacular yacht, the fairytale island, the orgasmic jacuzzi, the best dinner of the year, and the fascinating reiki done to my ankle. And I'm the best karaoke singer in the group! So here's hoping my ankle can walk tomorrow...

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #23-08-2003 11:05:16

Friday, August 22, 2003

Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Day One

22:05:27

My bag was found in the car on the mainland. We forgot to take it out! My ankle is getting more painful though. But made it feel better in the jacuzzi. Soo good. I'll happily suffer bad luck to visit this place for free again!

17:55:25

Ah, my island bad luck holds. We arrived safely at the resort. It is simply amazing. Unfortunately, my clothes didn't show up...

16:43:38

I'm on the yacht that will take us to the report. My god, it is seriously disgustingly rich and luxurious. I feel like I've stepped into a movie about some rich and famous nut. This is unbelievable.

12:53:18

We just got into the car, on our way! I'm suddenly feeling nervous. My personal history with islands have never been good. Langkawi gave me nasty ear infections till today. Tioman scraped my knee with a coral hidden treacherously under the sand. Maybe the ankle will be my only bad experience in Pangkor. Here's hoping!

12:26:31

I tripped on my way out from Starbucks Carrefour and now my ankle is trippy. Of all the goddamned times to injure myself! Lesson of the Day: never wear 4-inch heels on 2 hours' sleep. Thank God I didn't completely damage my ankle!

04:00:45

I have morning class tomorrow, but can a girl seriously sleep when she's going to one of the most exclusive places in Malaysia?

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #22-08-2003 12:26:31

Friday, August 22, 2003

03:37 a.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Pangkor & Phlogging

Mom is bringing some of the family along with her on her tour of the Pangkor Laut Resort's facilities. Her company is thinking of using the Pangkor Laut Resort for some of their seminars, trainings and what-nots.

So we, her precious family, get to enjoy being ass-kissed by the resort who will, obviously, be interested in revenue out of Mom's company.

So I have joined the legions of phlogger users, and HANIfans will be receiving live posts from the once-in-a-lifetime unbelievable experience of the blood-suckingly dear Pangkor Laut Resort.

If you're all good, keep my hits up and the number of comments high, I might just show you some pictures of the resort, and this girl in her two-piece, when I come back. My bag is packed with more clothes than is necessary for a weekend trip. My only problem is that Mom has forbidden me to bring heels and I've just realized that my only heel-less sandals are ugly!

We'll just have to go barefoot to show off our pretty, newly-pedicured toes.

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030822

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

06:49 p.m. Kuala Lumpur Standard Time

Older Problems

Have I studied for it?

Can't you guess the answer?

I'm sure you can guess the answer.

I've been reading two romance novels a day!

I wonder if I can put those to good use in the exams....

Be honest.
Link to the start of entry: #20030820